I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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