People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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