It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
