You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
