I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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