If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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