Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
