Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
don't judge my taste in strippers
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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