That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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