Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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