There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I enjoy the company of your penis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
