I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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