Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
