Define "chronic" masturbator.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
