The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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