A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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