Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
