I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is wine microwaveable?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
