I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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