I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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