I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
