One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
