Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
