Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i came on her dog
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
