**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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