I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
