so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
