That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
