They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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