If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
