But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
