Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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