he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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