it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
