I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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