The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
