His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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