Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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