omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
