I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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