Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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