When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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