I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
