We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
