Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
