is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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