yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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