i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
