Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
