we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize