can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
