I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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