i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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