Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
