jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
