I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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