Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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