I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
