I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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